I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What a dumb baby whore.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
