1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
