Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize