hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
