I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
