My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
