he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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