i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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