he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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