Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
