Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize