So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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