Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
