We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
