his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
