think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
