wanna go halves on a baby?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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