they need to just BURY HIM!
she looked like the before picture.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize