my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
