dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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