Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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