tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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