I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
