I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
