Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
