I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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