I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
