and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think I sprained my soul last night
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
