I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
