I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
