dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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