Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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