would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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