I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
