i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The air was thick with penises
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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