Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
