i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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