The maid of honor just puked.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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