sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
