..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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