So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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