Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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