Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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