she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize