why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think I sprained my soul last night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
