Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
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