i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
