It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
