I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
