Can Purell be used as lube?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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