if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
