I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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