conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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