im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
