Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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