you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
