You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
