I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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