I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
