i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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