she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
