so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
