Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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