Non-Jews are for practice
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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