New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
