I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
