I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
