I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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