No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
