covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
