I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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