I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
