Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
True strength comes from lack of pants
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
