This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
