i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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