I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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