It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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