anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
