I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
