I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize