Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
