that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
