when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
