I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize