Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
