I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
