I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
