So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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