I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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