dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
