Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize