I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
