Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
