ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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