Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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