I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
