Soap is not a condiment
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
