Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
