K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I need moral support for this bender
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
