I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
