ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
