It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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