By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
