This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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