apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
