If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
